So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.