So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
