No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost