i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.