Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
