I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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