She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
