Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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