Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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