well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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