Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
