He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
