A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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