Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We just shotgunned beers for America
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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