he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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