im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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