I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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