my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
