i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
