Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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