Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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