I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My vagina is very pro this idea
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