great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
