so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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