so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
