you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
