He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
