I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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