I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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