Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
