Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
