thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
