id be glad to
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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