awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
