Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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