do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
