As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
