1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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