Well douche your snatch and let's go!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
