highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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