Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
