I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He did a backflip because drugs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
