i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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