Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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