Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Girls should come with a carfax report
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
