Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
