Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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