but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
