Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
