I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
