i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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