the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
