a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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