I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
