By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
