Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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