Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
