I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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