I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
