Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
