thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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