I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
