ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
