At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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