Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
