So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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