just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
