ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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