just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think i have two assholes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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