im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
