he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
