Where is the hickey?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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