Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
