Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
