I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm passing your future prison.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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