he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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