Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
