I heard we made out
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
