return my video game
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was confusing and full of hummus
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
