the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
