my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize