if you like me you must not know who I am
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just puked most of my soul out..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
