Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
