Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
